i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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