My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize