can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize