I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want to make out with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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