Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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