i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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