I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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