I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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