so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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