I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize