Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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