Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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