i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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