In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize