I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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