i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
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I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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