i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize