One girl and one boy is just not enough.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize