Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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