Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
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his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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