and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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