yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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