his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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