my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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