she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize