his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
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yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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