I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
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You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
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I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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