All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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