I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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