i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize