o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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