Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize