Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize