Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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