In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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