I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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