so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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