Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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