He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
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i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
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Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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