So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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