there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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