you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
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Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
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If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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