I wish I only lived at night.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have feelings that need drinking.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
