You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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