Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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