So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
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The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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