I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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