Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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