Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize