so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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