I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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